Showing Images From Vapor
Solo Show of New Paintings, October, 2006
Gallerie Engler, Berlin, Germany
Artist’s Statement (In Retrospect):
“Vapor” was a bloody mess of a show. The process of questioning everything in my life had driven me to admit that I was in a deep state of depression. I knew that I had to change the way that I painted in order to capture what was going on inside of me. The first painting that I did was this self-portrait. I called it “Scatterbrain” because it felt like it put into visual form just how confused and erratic I felt. I was so tired and sad at the time. The show was in Berlin and I was scheduled to speak at the bi-annual Pictoplasma conference while I was there. I remember not being able to sleep the night before my talk because I thought I was going to just stand on this huge stage and cry in front of 500 people. I pulled it together and somehow opened up about what was going on without melting down. After I was done one of the organizers run up to me with tears in his eyes. He gave me this huge hug. He said that he could hear people sniffling and crying while I was talking. I felt such a sense of acceptance and relief. People kept telling me that they could relate to what I was going through and that it meant a lot that I was willing to open up like that. It taught me a lot about how far I could push myself, both emotionally and technically.